Happy Passover and Easter to All,
As I have said in the past, i am not the most religious Jewish guy out there, but I have to admit that Passover is my favorite of all the Jewish Holidays. What can be bad about a Holiday where you don't have to go to Synagogue and the main celebration takes place around the dinner table.
As a child, Passover was a double edged sword. The great parts were, lots of food, my Nana's famous Matzoh Ball Soup and prizes we would get after the dinner for finding the afikomen (a piece of matzoh hidden by the adults, kind of a Jewish Easter Egg hunt). The earliest memory of this was when we were visiting my Mother's parents and family in Miami. I remember finding the afikoman an I was given 2 rolls of pennies. I asked how much money that was, they told me it was 100 cents...OMG..I was rich! I thought that was a tremendous amount of money. I also loved making the special brownie and cake mixes with my Dad. It was our job to make the cakes and a mix of chopped apples. walnuts, raisins, cinnamon and sweet wine called charoset. I got to chop the nuts and it was great bonding time with my Dad.
Now to the bad part...The Four Questions... The darn four questions that the youngest child in the family had to sing in Hebrew at the dinner. Now, as I have mentioned, Hebrew was never easy for me so it was always a nerve wracking experience.And darn if I wasn't the youngest grandchild until I was like 17..I was so ready to to have someone else deal with the pressure of the "Four Questions'. I still get resentful when my nephews get out of having to do it alone..If I had to suffer, so do they!!!!...whewww sorry..It's a sore subject..lol. Ok..better now.
One year, while I was living in Florida, I decided to have my own Passover Seder (dinner). My parents were coming back from a Cruise and they were arriving back on Passover. So it was going to be Me, Rex, My Parents and 3 non Jewish friends from work. Now as a child, it had always been a tradition that we always brought one non-Jewish friend to our Seders, so I wanted to continue that tradition. Now usually it takes a few people to cook a full passover dinner, but I was dead set to do it on my own. I spent 3 days getting ready, cooking, cleaning, by the time my Parents got there I was ready to pass out. I had made my own Matzoh Ball's but asked my dad to put the chicken soup mix in the water. Only one problem, I gave him two packages of soup mix and only put in enough water for one. Both the Matzoh Balls and the soup tasted like we had gotten the water directly from the Salt Lake. It was the worst dinner! That was the one and only time I ever tried cooking a dinner for anyone.
Part of the traditions of Passover is that the Spirit of Elijah the profit comes to all the houses and sips from the wine glass that has been poured for him. Now while we sing a song for him someone always goes to the front door and opens it so that he can enter. A few years ago, One of my nephews opens the door and we are singing loudly...and in walks a man....it was my van driver coming to pick me up...I'm not sure who was more shocked.
That brings me to the present. The first Seder is tonight at my brother's house, of course his electricity went off last night, you know what it's like getting an electrician on a Sunday. Then this morning my Father cut his foot and had to get it glued together (he thought it might be Elmer's glue). Now 2 of the plagues in the bible that fell upon Pharaoh were daylight turning into blackness and water turning into blood, so if we have an infestation of locusts and frogs..we are up a creek! The 2nd night's dinner is at Papa's house. Kathy and I have been very busy boiling and peeling 72 hard boiled eggs and making Charoset for 30 guests and the school class that my Papa volunteers with. It is a family effort and worth it all.
May you all have a wonderful Holiday no matter what Religion you practice. Thank you for joining my family and being part of this blog.
Be Joyful, Be Colorful and Be Superb!
R
Ps...The foods we eat have meaning or represent part of the story of the Jewish slaves leaving Egypt...Eggs-life, Charoset=mortar that built the pyramids.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Best Foot Forward
Over the years of dealing with my assorted physical disabilities I have come to the conclusion that I can deal with life in 2 different ways. The first way is to be a miserable, nasty person who despises the world and hates life. The other option was to live the best life I can and use love of life and humor to conquer anything that comes along in my life. Of course I chose the first and you can all go screw off..hehe...Only kidding of course.
If my humor ever came in handy, it was while I was fighting the infection in my left foot..hey.."My Left Foot" good name for a movie...lol. Anyway, I was actually very luck because I had no feeling in my legs before they started with seven surgeries over a year and a half. Here I was with foot wounds that made all my nurses cringe, and I felt nothing. When it came to the time when there was no doubt that I would have to have an amputation, I realised, What's the difference, a sick foot that I couldn't feel or a healthy prosthetic. It was an easy choice.
The night before the amputation was scary..I was actually mourning for my foot. Going through my foots whole life history in my head. Thinking about stupid things like I can't play 10 little piggies any more. I know this sounds stupid, but these are the things I thought. After the surgery, I think I slept for 3 days. I'll never forget one of the first times my Mom came to visit me. I made a joke about my leg and she just got a look of horror on her face..Then we all just laughed. Laughter is pure medicine. It took 3 weeks of healing before I could get my prosthetic.
Now we named the prosthetic "Falafel" One of my friends had sent me a nice but silly card that said "I hope you don't" and a picture of a bowl of falafel...I looked at the card for 3 days before I got the joke.. I hope you don't "FEEL AWFUL" lol
I got used to my prosthetic fairly quickly, Hey I couldn't feel my leg before so there was not much difference. Then the funny stuff happens. At least 5 times my doctors have tried to find my pulse and check for swelling in my fake leg. On Halloween, my nephews want to use my leg to collect their candy in. Sometimes when my leg is across the room and it falls, I will say "ouch" I also feel that since I had my leg for 38 years of my life, that I should be able to deduct a few years from my age since it's now gone..So technically, I want 3 years deducted. I do have one question...If I take my leg in my hands and hit my brother with it, Did I kick him? Just wondering.
Ok enough of that..I said humor helps, I didn't say it was good humor. Kathy an I are helping Papa get ready for the Passover holiday. A fun time. Papa's birthday is coming up soon too.
Sorry this blog is a bit disjointed,
Be springy, be colorful, Be Superb
R
If my humor ever came in handy, it was while I was fighting the infection in my left foot..hey.."My Left Foot" good name for a movie...lol. Anyway, I was actually very luck because I had no feeling in my legs before they started with seven surgeries over a year and a half. Here I was with foot wounds that made all my nurses cringe, and I felt nothing. When it came to the time when there was no doubt that I would have to have an amputation, I realised, What's the difference, a sick foot that I couldn't feel or a healthy prosthetic. It was an easy choice.
The night before the amputation was scary..I was actually mourning for my foot. Going through my foots whole life history in my head. Thinking about stupid things like I can't play 10 little piggies any more. I know this sounds stupid, but these are the things I thought. After the surgery, I think I slept for 3 days. I'll never forget one of the first times my Mom came to visit me. I made a joke about my leg and she just got a look of horror on her face..Then we all just laughed. Laughter is pure medicine. It took 3 weeks of healing before I could get my prosthetic.
Now we named the prosthetic "Falafel" One of my friends had sent me a nice but silly card that said "I hope you don't" and a picture of a bowl of falafel...I looked at the card for 3 days before I got the joke.. I hope you don't "FEEL AWFUL" lol
I got used to my prosthetic fairly quickly, Hey I couldn't feel my leg before so there was not much difference. Then the funny stuff happens. At least 5 times my doctors have tried to find my pulse and check for swelling in my fake leg. On Halloween, my nephews want to use my leg to collect their candy in. Sometimes when my leg is across the room and it falls, I will say "ouch" I also feel that since I had my leg for 38 years of my life, that I should be able to deduct a few years from my age since it's now gone..So technically, I want 3 years deducted. I do have one question...If I take my leg in my hands and hit my brother with it, Did I kick him? Just wondering.
Ok enough of that..I said humor helps, I didn't say it was good humor. Kathy an I are helping Papa get ready for the Passover holiday. A fun time. Papa's birthday is coming up soon too.
Sorry this blog is a bit disjointed,
Be springy, be colorful, Be Superb
R
Thursday, March 18, 2010
A King's Life- Postscript
After Rex passed away and he was put to rest I had to try to go on with my own life. I had a new job and I need to succeed at it. Never mind that my job was Customer Service at Macy's. You definitely can't do good customer service while your blubbering all the time. Deep in my heart though, I felt there were just too many loose ends left to Rex's life. I also knew that I had the most information about his past. I made it my goal to find Rex's Family and especially his son. I could not let them go through the rest of their lives wondering if and when he would come back or where he was.
Now I am really good at a few things, and procrastination in one of my specialities. It took me a long time to actually sit down and look at his papers that I had taken from his house. Finally one day I was looking through them and found his official court papers from his name change. There in front of me was his real name and his parents names. After some more detective work, I found his parents address and phone number. Now this was about 3 years after he had passed away...I told you I procrastinate. Now I had no phone at this time in my life so I started writing them a letter which took about six months to write. I mean how do you tell a stranger that their son is dead...it was a difficult process. It sat ready to be sent for many more months.
It had been years since Rex had died. One night I decided to go to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting, the closest one was in Hollywood. The first time I had been there since we cleaned out Rex's house. I was distracted the whole time and left in the middle of the meeting. Driving home I was in tears begging for Rex to let me know he was OK. I decided I had to find the supportive letter that Rex had written to me while I was in the Eating Disorder Clinic, I had not been able to find it. As soon as I got to my home I went straight to a letter holder that I had searched many times before...and there it was. It said everything I needed it to say and ended with "Love Forever, Your Friend...Rex" I knew then it was time to send the letter, and I did.
A few month later my doorbell rang, I answered the door and there were two police officers standings there. I actually recognized one of them from the "COPS" TV show. They asked me if I knew a Rex King and had I sent a letter to someone. I told them yes and explained the letter a bit. They told me that Rex's Mother wanted me to call her collect. I immediately went to the payphone (remember those..lol) I called her and she was very receptive to me. Her son was a police officer and she was not sure if I was hoaxing them so that's why they called the Police in Florida. We spoke for over an hour. It was rewarding for both of us. When I finally got my own phone I kept in touch with her.
Now, while letting his parents have some closure was one of my goal, I really wanted to contact Rex's son Christian to let him know how much Rex hoped for a reunion one day and how much he loved him. Rex's mother did have some contact with Chris, but was hesitant to have me connect with him. I understood and felt if it's meant to happen, it would.
When my Nana passed away, I made the trip up to New Jersey. I brought some of Rex's papers knowing that I might get to meet his family in NYC. After the funeral, I called his Mother and we arraigned for them to come to my house one day. It was sort of awkward with mourners stopping by but I happily got to meet his Mother, Father, Brother, Sister and Nephew. I got to give them some of his belongings and pictures. A few months later I got a Valentines Card from his mom...It said" Chris is ready to talk to you!" I was so excited! She gave me his number. I was planning another trip to NJ, so I packed Rex's prized possessions...a number of Dragons statues that he loved and collected.
When I got to NJ, I called him and he and his bride of a few months arranged to meet me at my parents. Through all of this, I had hoped I was doing the right thing. When I laid eyes on Chris, there was no doubt that he was Rex's son. He was a very handsome 21 y/o young man. He was also a Police Officer. As we were talking, I gave Chris the Dragons, He made a strange face and we continued talking. I notices a tattoo sticking out of Chris's t-shirt, I asked what it was, he smiled and showed me a huge Dragon tattoo. It was then that I realized that Rex had been with his son all along. I was at peace. I had done all I could to finish things for Rex.
The one thing that Rex would have loved is the Internet. When I first logged on, I decided that he would surf along in spirit with me..thus my email name...Rick3rex. He was my teacher and friend in every sense of the words. He lives on in me and now in this blog. Thank you all for letting me write about him.
Be open, Be honest and Be Superb!
R
Now I am really good at a few things, and procrastination in one of my specialities. It took me a long time to actually sit down and look at his papers that I had taken from his house. Finally one day I was looking through them and found his official court papers from his name change. There in front of me was his real name and his parents names. After some more detective work, I found his parents address and phone number. Now this was about 3 years after he had passed away...I told you I procrastinate. Now I had no phone at this time in my life so I started writing them a letter which took about six months to write. I mean how do you tell a stranger that their son is dead...it was a difficult process. It sat ready to be sent for many more months.
It had been years since Rex had died. One night I decided to go to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting, the closest one was in Hollywood. The first time I had been there since we cleaned out Rex's house. I was distracted the whole time and left in the middle of the meeting. Driving home I was in tears begging for Rex to let me know he was OK. I decided I had to find the supportive letter that Rex had written to me while I was in the Eating Disorder Clinic, I had not been able to find it. As soon as I got to my home I went straight to a letter holder that I had searched many times before...and there it was. It said everything I needed it to say and ended with "Love Forever, Your Friend...Rex" I knew then it was time to send the letter, and I did.
A few month later my doorbell rang, I answered the door and there were two police officers standings there. I actually recognized one of them from the "COPS" TV show. They asked me if I knew a Rex King and had I sent a letter to someone. I told them yes and explained the letter a bit. They told me that Rex's Mother wanted me to call her collect. I immediately went to the payphone (remember those..lol) I called her and she was very receptive to me. Her son was a police officer and she was not sure if I was hoaxing them so that's why they called the Police in Florida. We spoke for over an hour. It was rewarding for both of us. When I finally got my own phone I kept in touch with her.
Now, while letting his parents have some closure was one of my goal, I really wanted to contact Rex's son Christian to let him know how much Rex hoped for a reunion one day and how much he loved him. Rex's mother did have some contact with Chris, but was hesitant to have me connect with him. I understood and felt if it's meant to happen, it would.
When my Nana passed away, I made the trip up to New Jersey. I brought some of Rex's papers knowing that I might get to meet his family in NYC. After the funeral, I called his Mother and we arraigned for them to come to my house one day. It was sort of awkward with mourners stopping by but I happily got to meet his Mother, Father, Brother, Sister and Nephew. I got to give them some of his belongings and pictures. A few months later I got a Valentines Card from his mom...It said" Chris is ready to talk to you!" I was so excited! She gave me his number. I was planning another trip to NJ, so I packed Rex's prized possessions...a number of Dragons statues that he loved and collected.
When I got to NJ, I called him and he and his bride of a few months arranged to meet me at my parents. Through all of this, I had hoped I was doing the right thing. When I laid eyes on Chris, there was no doubt that he was Rex's son. He was a very handsome 21 y/o young man. He was also a Police Officer. As we were talking, I gave Chris the Dragons, He made a strange face and we continued talking. I notices a tattoo sticking out of Chris's t-shirt, I asked what it was, he smiled and showed me a huge Dragon tattoo. It was then that I realized that Rex had been with his son all along. I was at peace. I had done all I could to finish things for Rex.
The one thing that Rex would have loved is the Internet. When I first logged on, I decided that he would surf along in spirit with me..thus my email name...Rick3rex. He was my teacher and friend in every sense of the words. He lives on in me and now in this blog. Thank you all for letting me write about him.
Be open, Be honest and Be Superb!
R
Monday, March 15, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Humpty Dumpty
Hey There,
I take a brief break from Rex's Story to say that my life gets very weird sometimes. Now, age has not been kind to me in the hair on my head department. Ok I'm pretty bald...and for some reason, since my hospitalization two years ago, my hair grows in very unevenly. Not sure why...anyway. I still have some hair and I'm not eager for that hair to leave me just yet.
So...my brother and his family have gone to the same barber for many years now. He is about 80 years old and also a friend of my fathers. Now since I moved to Green Bay, he has been coming out to my house to cut my hair since there is no wheelchair access to his shop. Now he is a friend of the family so I overlook when he calls me by my brothers name and I even overlook it when he asks "Who is heavier, you or your brother? But today he did it..He started buzzing my hair, he always uses an attachment so it's not too short. He started buzzing and I felt metal against my skin...I asked "Are you using the attachment" to which he responded "NO..I didn't bring it..Oh well...Too late!" OMG!!!! "OH WELL, TOO LATE!!! I now know how Humpty Dumpty felt..I am as BALD as a baby. Kojack had more hair then me! I could play Mr Potato Head in the next TOY STORY. Ok, i know it will grow back, but right now I want to cover every mirror and freak out.
Btw has anyone ever had a burger from Five Guys, If so, was it any good? They are opening one here. Ok I'm calmer now.
Be Hairy, Be dry (from the rain) and Be Superb
Bald R
I take a brief break from Rex's Story to say that my life gets very weird sometimes. Now, age has not been kind to me in the hair on my head department. Ok I'm pretty bald...and for some reason, since my hospitalization two years ago, my hair grows in very unevenly. Not sure why...anyway. I still have some hair and I'm not eager for that hair to leave me just yet.
So...my brother and his family have gone to the same barber for many years now. He is about 80 years old and also a friend of my fathers. Now since I moved to Green Bay, he has been coming out to my house to cut my hair since there is no wheelchair access to his shop. Now he is a friend of the family so I overlook when he calls me by my brothers name and I even overlook it when he asks "Who is heavier, you or your brother? But today he did it..He started buzzing my hair, he always uses an attachment so it's not too short. He started buzzing and I felt metal against my skin...I asked "Are you using the attachment" to which he responded "NO..I didn't bring it..Oh well...Too late!" OMG!!!! "OH WELL, TOO LATE!!! I now know how Humpty Dumpty felt..I am as BALD as a baby. Kojack had more hair then me! I could play Mr Potato Head in the next TOY STORY. Ok, i know it will grow back, but right now I want to cover every mirror and freak out.
Btw has anyone ever had a burger from Five Guys, If so, was it any good? They are opening one here. Ok I'm calmer now.
Be Hairy, Be dry (from the rain) and Be Superb
Bald R
Thursday, March 11, 2010
A King's Life - Part 3
Hey All,
As the 80" continued, Rex and I continued our friendship, but since he was living in Hollywood (Florida..totally fitting for him) and I lived about 20 miles away in Lauderdale Lakes, we did not get to see each other as often as before. We would still speak often. I was working for a travel company named Flyfaire Vacations and as always Rex was playing the starving artist. He would have a job here and a job there, even though he was totally qualified for any job, His yearning to be a "Star" prevented him from taking long term jobs.
Rex was always a bit of a man of mystery. He was very careful with the information that he gave to people about his past or his family. Over the years I had gotten him to give up bits and pieces of his past (usually when he was in an altered state). The first thing I learned was that Rex King was not his original name (really what mother would name your child King King, since Rex is King in Latin). Over the years Rex used many different middle names...the most unusual being Rex Solarexus Universon King....enuf said,,,I told you he was unique! I learned the he had been in the Army during Vietnam and was part of the USO. I learned that Rex was born in NYC and had a horrible relationship with his Mother. He had been married and had one child who they named Christian. He was divorced and had not seen his child in many years. He said his child was a handsome 4 year old who told Rex to go out in the world and find himself, which is what did. Of course this was all told to me by Rex... He often did exaggerate. He had not had any contact with anyone from his family at that time for over 10-15 years. He often said that he hoped that his son might look for him some day.
One day Rex called me and I drove down to Hollywood to treat him for lunch at Wendy's. Rex had been a bit nervous. He had gone for an HIV test and had been waiting for the results. He had tested negative about six months prior, but was apprehensive about this one. While eating I asked if he had gotten the results and he said yes, they were positive...my heart sank, but he was so strong about it, I was going to be strong too. He had an appointment with a Dr at the Veteran's Hospital, luckily his care was all taken care of by the VA. Life went on, but deep in my heart I both worried about his health, his lack of funds and the possibility of losing my best friend.
When I had checked into the Eating Disorder Clinic, Rex was so supportive even coming to some of the therapy sessions with me. Now Rex's diagnosis was one of the issues that I was dealing with. He was very upset when he found out that I had talked about him in group therapy, he did not understand how his status effected me. I tried to explain, but he was so scared that people would find out. The late 80's were full of ignorance and hysteria about Aids.
Our friendship started to falter because he felt I betrayed him. We would argue, and then not speak for months at a time. I worried and missed him, but I was also going through my own severe depression.
The company I worked for went bankrupt, I was on unemployment. I'm not sure who called who, but we eventually started talking again. He had just filmed a role in a Burt Reynold's TV show called B.L. Stryker...Had little money, but was getting help from his talent manager. He said his legs were bothering him..something called neuropathy (something I would learn a great deal about in later years). Now over the years, if Rex would need something, I would loan him the money. It was really money I couldn't afford to give, but that's what friends do. He would sometimes come and clean up my apartment as my housekeeping lacked big time. One day we were talking and Rex was saying that he didn't want to do any work as an extra anymore. An extra is a person in the background of films. He wanted only big roles. Now at that time he had been offered over $200.00 a day to be an extra and he refused it. I blew up, He was eating crackers with ketchup, he was getting thinner, he wasn't taking care of himself and yes, very selfishly, He could work one day to pay me back some of the money he owed me. I told him it was getting too hard to be his friend and I hung up the phone.
I'm really not sure how many months went by, but I had just started a new job at Macy's. The phone rang, A woman's voice asked to speak to Richard, I responded that was me. She said that she was calling from the Veteran's Hospital....My heart immediately sank. Mr. Rex King had you on his contact list and I'm sorry to inform you that he has passed away. You and one other person, a woman named Elva are the only two people on his contact list. There is no next of kin and we need one of you to approve an autopsy and to decide on burial. She gave me Elva's number and that was the end of the call. The date was March 12, 1990 ... 20 years ago today.
My life was thrown into a whirlwind. I felt so guilty, I let stupid little things and money come between my friend and I. I felt I had totally let down my friend and abandoned him when he needed me the most. How could Rex King die, he was so much bigger than life. I contacted Elva, She had been taking care of him and basically told me it was my turn. She told me that she trusted my decisions. I cried all night and went to work in the morning in tears. I left work soon after to go meet his landlord/manager at Rex's house. Now the biggest problem that I had was that none of Rex's friend knew each other. Most never knew he was sick. Over the next week a few friend and I cleaned out his house each taking meaningful trinkets. We donated his clothing to the local Aids charity. we agreed that if an autopsy could be helpful to other, that it should be done. I met with the funeral home. fortunately Rex was a veteran and would be buried in the Florida National Cemetery. I believed he wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread onto the ocean at sunrise, but only a blood relative could authorize that, and I had no clue who or where they were. His agent planned an informal memorial at her house. The fascinating part of that evening was that each person knew a different Rex King. He had been a chameleon, adapting to each person he knew. I was not financially able to go to the funeral. I did everything I could to put Rex to rest. I still never got to say goodbye and to apologize to him for being a brat. I still think sometimes that he will just walk in my door.
Rex was now part of the Universe and he is now and will always be a Star. My next journey was to search for his family, I will write about that in the next blog. One of the best things that Rex taught me was that energy never dies, when someone passes, their energy is simply passed to those who knew them. Rex lives on in all the people he touched and loved. He taught me so much about life and for that I will love and miss him forever. I have no doubt that it was Rex and my Mother pushing me back to life 2 years ago. I hope he would be proud of who I am today. He is always in my mind and in my heart.
So be Loving, Be giving and as Rex always said...Be Superb!
R
1947-1990
As the 80" continued, Rex and I continued our friendship, but since he was living in Hollywood (Florida..totally fitting for him) and I lived about 20 miles away in Lauderdale Lakes, we did not get to see each other as often as before. We would still speak often. I was working for a travel company named Flyfaire Vacations and as always Rex was playing the starving artist. He would have a job here and a job there, even though he was totally qualified for any job, His yearning to be a "Star" prevented him from taking long term jobs.
Rex was always a bit of a man of mystery. He was very careful with the information that he gave to people about his past or his family. Over the years I had gotten him to give up bits and pieces of his past (usually when he was in an altered state). The first thing I learned was that Rex King was not his original name (really what mother would name your child King King, since Rex is King in Latin). Over the years Rex used many different middle names...the most unusual being Rex Solarexus Universon King....enuf said,,,I told you he was unique! I learned the he had been in the Army during Vietnam and was part of the USO. I learned that Rex was born in NYC and had a horrible relationship with his Mother. He had been married and had one child who they named Christian. He was divorced and had not seen his child in many years. He said his child was a handsome 4 year old who told Rex to go out in the world and find himself, which is what did. Of course this was all told to me by Rex... He often did exaggerate. He had not had any contact with anyone from his family at that time for over 10-15 years. He often said that he hoped that his son might look for him some day.
One day Rex called me and I drove down to Hollywood to treat him for lunch at Wendy's. Rex had been a bit nervous. He had gone for an HIV test and had been waiting for the results. He had tested negative about six months prior, but was apprehensive about this one. While eating I asked if he had gotten the results and he said yes, they were positive...my heart sank, but he was so strong about it, I was going to be strong too. He had an appointment with a Dr at the Veteran's Hospital, luckily his care was all taken care of by the VA. Life went on, but deep in my heart I both worried about his health, his lack of funds and the possibility of losing my best friend.
When I had checked into the Eating Disorder Clinic, Rex was so supportive even coming to some of the therapy sessions with me. Now Rex's diagnosis was one of the issues that I was dealing with. He was very upset when he found out that I had talked about him in group therapy, he did not understand how his status effected me. I tried to explain, but he was so scared that people would find out. The late 80's were full of ignorance and hysteria about Aids.
Our friendship started to falter because he felt I betrayed him. We would argue, and then not speak for months at a time. I worried and missed him, but I was also going through my own severe depression.
The company I worked for went bankrupt, I was on unemployment. I'm not sure who called who, but we eventually started talking again. He had just filmed a role in a Burt Reynold's TV show called B.L. Stryker...Had little money, but was getting help from his talent manager. He said his legs were bothering him..something called neuropathy (something I would learn a great deal about in later years). Now over the years, if Rex would need something, I would loan him the money. It was really money I couldn't afford to give, but that's what friends do. He would sometimes come and clean up my apartment as my housekeeping lacked big time. One day we were talking and Rex was saying that he didn't want to do any work as an extra anymore. An extra is a person in the background of films. He wanted only big roles. Now at that time he had been offered over $200.00 a day to be an extra and he refused it. I blew up, He was eating crackers with ketchup, he was getting thinner, he wasn't taking care of himself and yes, very selfishly, He could work one day to pay me back some of the money he owed me. I told him it was getting too hard to be his friend and I hung up the phone.
I'm really not sure how many months went by, but I had just started a new job at Macy's. The phone rang, A woman's voice asked to speak to Richard, I responded that was me. She said that she was calling from the Veteran's Hospital....My heart immediately sank. Mr. Rex King had you on his contact list and I'm sorry to inform you that he has passed away. You and one other person, a woman named Elva are the only two people on his contact list. There is no next of kin and we need one of you to approve an autopsy and to decide on burial. She gave me Elva's number and that was the end of the call. The date was March 12, 1990 ... 20 years ago today.
My life was thrown into a whirlwind. I felt so guilty, I let stupid little things and money come between my friend and I. I felt I had totally let down my friend and abandoned him when he needed me the most. How could Rex King die, he was so much bigger than life. I contacted Elva, She had been taking care of him and basically told me it was my turn. She told me that she trusted my decisions. I cried all night and went to work in the morning in tears. I left work soon after to go meet his landlord/manager at Rex's house. Now the biggest problem that I had was that none of Rex's friend knew each other. Most never knew he was sick. Over the next week a few friend and I cleaned out his house each taking meaningful trinkets. We donated his clothing to the local Aids charity. we agreed that if an autopsy could be helpful to other, that it should be done. I met with the funeral home. fortunately Rex was a veteran and would be buried in the Florida National Cemetery. I believed he wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread onto the ocean at sunrise, but only a blood relative could authorize that, and I had no clue who or where they were. His agent planned an informal memorial at her house. The fascinating part of that evening was that each person knew a different Rex King. He had been a chameleon, adapting to each person he knew. I was not financially able to go to the funeral. I did everything I could to put Rex to rest. I still never got to say goodbye and to apologize to him for being a brat. I still think sometimes that he will just walk in my door.
Rex was now part of the Universe and he is now and will always be a Star. My next journey was to search for his family, I will write about that in the next blog. One of the best things that Rex taught me was that energy never dies, when someone passes, their energy is simply passed to those who knew them. Rex lives on in all the people he touched and loved. He taught me so much about life and for that I will love and miss him forever. I have no doubt that it was Rex and my Mother pushing me back to life 2 years ago. I hope he would be proud of who I am today. He is always in my mind and in my heart.
So be Loving, Be giving and as Rex always said...Be Superb!
R
1947-1990
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
A King's Life - Part 2
I got my Associates Degree in 1983. Mr. King had helped me get some credits I needed to graduate by letting me help teach a high school drama class at the Catholic high school that shared our campus. When I returned in the fall, there was a new drama teacher...he was no Mr. King. I had moved into my own apt in Boca and I was just beginning to come out of the closet. A difficult and confusing time to say the least.
One day I was doing some business in my bank when someone comes up behind me and taps me on the back..I turn to see this African American man with short shorts, a half t-shirt and a Michael Jackson jheri curl (it was the 80's)...there was Mr. King in all his glory. He told me to please call him Rex, Mr. King was the teacher...This was Rex King...We spoke for a while and I learned that he lived right down the street from me. My friend Jay and I were planning a 21st birthday for myself and I mentioned that he should come. He gave me his phone number and told me to call him with details. I called, he came to the party. That was the day that Rex became my best friend. We spoke at least once a day and spent many hours laughing together over the next years. Now just to make it clear, our friendship was just that, a friendship..never anything more.
Rex was a very complicated, multi layered, metaphysical person. He was very into the universe, now for a 21 year old..I never really gripped all of his philosophies, but he truly became a surrogate father, mother, brother and sister for me. He was a constant student of everything,..philosophies, religions, business...He was also the starving actor. His plan was to to big a huge star. He became a huge part of my life, when I was down, he would bring me up and visa verse. Now it was always hard to peg Rex in any way..When I asked him his age, He would say "I'm as old as the universe and as young as my next thought" When I would ask him if he was gay,bi or straight he would say he was a "sexual being". Every job he had was just another acting job for him. "I'm not a waiter, I'm just playing a waiter" Once I saw a calendar he had in his apartment. He had written on every day that it was his birthday..1st day of my birthday, 2nd day of my birthday....126th day of my birthday... It was the his Year of Birthdays.
It did not take much to entertain us. We would smoke some...ummm..you know...and watch wrestling with the sound off and dub in our own sounds. He anmd I would sing for hours and hours. One Hanukkah we were lighting the candles together. My friend Vicki was also over since she was Jewish too. We were watching the candles burn and Vicki went to light her cigarette with the candle, the next thing I knew, the cigarette was flying thru the air across the room after Rex hit it out of her out of her mouth. He was angry because it was sacrilegious to use the candle that way. She never did that again.
When my Parents would come visit, it was usually on their way to go on a Cruise Ship. Rex would drive us all to Miami and He would run around the ship, have a few cocktails and treat the 2 hours he had on the ship like his own little week long cruise. Then we would go back to real life. I think my Parents loved Rex, did'nt really get him, but knew how good he was to me.
Rex would put up with all of my insanity too. Every time my parents came down to visit, I would have to de-gayify and de-smokify my apartment. Rex would always try to tell me that I should just be myself when they were there, but I was still in my "Richard had to be perfect for my parents" stage.
Over time, we became integral parts of each others lives. He was very supportive when I went into the eating disorders clinic and even came to a few therapy sessions with me. When I came back from North Carolina, I lived in North Miami for a bit, During that time he moved in with me while he filmed a movie in Miami. Rex loved South Florida and always wondered if he could still become a star and working actor there instead of L.A.. Then came Miami Vice. He became a regular playing a back round cop in the office scenes. Unfortunately, he looked a bit too much like Tubbs to get a major role, but he worked pretty regularly. He also did a show at the Burt Reynold's Dinner Theater directed by Charles Nelson Reilly. While on a tour of Burt's Ranch, they stopped by the Gift Shop where the cast each got to pick out one item, Rex of course had to have the snakeskin boots because they went with the cowboy hat..Rex was never shy about asking for anything he wanted. I was working, Rex was working...it was a good time in our lives.
I hope I'm not boring you with this, but I've always wanted and needed to write about Rex. one more section of this coming. I hope you are all feeling a bit of Spring. All for now.
Be Springy, Be Greatful, Be Superb
R
One day I was doing some business in my bank when someone comes up behind me and taps me on the back..I turn to see this African American man with short shorts, a half t-shirt and a Michael Jackson jheri curl (it was the 80's)...there was Mr. King in all his glory. He told me to please call him Rex, Mr. King was the teacher...This was Rex King...We spoke for a while and I learned that he lived right down the street from me. My friend Jay and I were planning a 21st birthday for myself and I mentioned that he should come. He gave me his phone number and told me to call him with details. I called, he came to the party. That was the day that Rex became my best friend. We spoke at least once a day and spent many hours laughing together over the next years. Now just to make it clear, our friendship was just that, a friendship..never anything more.
Rex was a very complicated, multi layered, metaphysical person. He was very into the universe, now for a 21 year old..I never really gripped all of his philosophies, but he truly became a surrogate father, mother, brother and sister for me. He was a constant student of everything,..philosophies, religions, business...He was also the starving actor. His plan was to to big a huge star. He became a huge part of my life, when I was down, he would bring me up and visa verse. Now it was always hard to peg Rex in any way..When I asked him his age, He would say "I'm as old as the universe and as young as my next thought" When I would ask him if he was gay,bi or straight he would say he was a "sexual being". Every job he had was just another acting job for him. "I'm not a waiter, I'm just playing a waiter" Once I saw a calendar he had in his apartment. He had written on every day that it was his birthday..1st day of my birthday, 2nd day of my birthday....126th day of my birthday... It was the his Year of Birthdays.
It did not take much to entertain us. We would smoke some...ummm..you know...and watch wrestling with the sound off and dub in our own sounds. He anmd I would sing for hours and hours. One Hanukkah we were lighting the candles together. My friend Vicki was also over since she was Jewish too. We were watching the candles burn and Vicki went to light her cigarette with the candle, the next thing I knew, the cigarette was flying thru the air across the room after Rex hit it out of her out of her mouth. He was angry because it was sacrilegious to use the candle that way. She never did that again.
When my Parents would come visit, it was usually on their way to go on a Cruise Ship. Rex would drive us all to Miami and He would run around the ship, have a few cocktails and treat the 2 hours he had on the ship like his own little week long cruise. Then we would go back to real life. I think my Parents loved Rex, did'nt really get him, but knew how good he was to me.
Rex would put up with all of my insanity too. Every time my parents came down to visit, I would have to de-gayify and de-smokify my apartment. Rex would always try to tell me that I should just be myself when they were there, but I was still in my "Richard had to be perfect for my parents" stage.
Over time, we became integral parts of each others lives. He was very supportive when I went into the eating disorders clinic and even came to a few therapy sessions with me. When I came back from North Carolina, I lived in North Miami for a bit, During that time he moved in with me while he filmed a movie in Miami. Rex loved South Florida and always wondered if he could still become a star and working actor there instead of L.A.. Then came Miami Vice. He became a regular playing a back round cop in the office scenes. Unfortunately, he looked a bit too much like Tubbs to get a major role, but he worked pretty regularly. He also did a show at the Burt Reynold's Dinner Theater directed by Charles Nelson Reilly. While on a tour of Burt's Ranch, they stopped by the Gift Shop where the cast each got to pick out one item, Rex of course had to have the snakeskin boots because they went with the cowboy hat..Rex was never shy about asking for anything he wanted. I was working, Rex was working...it was a good time in our lives.
I hope I'm not boring you with this, but I've always wanted and needed to write about Rex. one more section of this coming. I hope you are all feeling a bit of Spring. All for now.
Be Springy, Be Greatful, Be Superb
R
Friday, March 5, 2010
A King's Life
Hey All,
I hope the first week of March is treating you all well. Here in Green Bay we are actually feeling a bit of Spring, Which I welcome with great joy!
I think I have been pretty lucky to have great role models who have shaped my life. Of course the top of my list would be my wonderful parents and family. I was lucky enough to meet another person who I learned a great deal from and I want to share him with you. I often see on TV people asked if there is one teacher you had that affected you the most...Mr. King was that teacher for me.
While still getting acclimated to snakes and confederate flags during my first semester at college, I met my dorm neighbor Greg who was a Drama student. Being fairly shy, I didn't even realize that they had a Drama Program at the school. One day Greg asked me if I could help him learn his lines for the first semester show. I was eager to help so I sat in his room reading lines from two short plays they were performing. As we read lines, I was quite confused...The plays were quite bizarre, different from anything I had ever read. As time went on we began talking about the Director of the plays who was also the Director of the Drama Program and the Author of one of the plays... His name was Mr. King. Greg would tell me that he was quite an unusual guy. He was African American, had diamond earring as in both ears (unheard of at the time) and he wore a suit and tie every day but road a motorcycle to school that had a licence tag on the back that said "GOD'S SON".
During the semester I would see Mr King upstairs at the Student Cafe at 3pm every day when nearly the whole campus would gather to watch Luke and Laura on General Hospital. For some reason I was very intimidated by Mr. King. I finally got up the nerve to tell him that I loved theater and was wondering if I could help him with the box office for his upcoming performance.
I did just that and when it came time for auditions for the Parents Weekend Show the following semester, both Greg and I auditioned. That was the first of four Mr King shows that I was in during college. Now a Mr King show was different than any other shows I had ever done. First of all, Mr. King usually acted in all his shows. His job outside of school was as an actor we would later learn. The facilities we prrformed in were, let's say unconventional..our dressing room was the Catholic Chapel and if you wanted privacy, you used the confessional to change clothes. Unfortunately one student decided to use the holy water bowl as a ash tray...it was not pretty, but we made do.
When my Mom and Dad came to our Parent's Weekend performance they got to meet Mr. King. We were driving out of the school and onto the main road when all of a sudden we heard nonstop beeping behind us. Next thing we knew Mr. King was leaping out of his car and running out to our car in the middle of the street and introducing himself to my parents and blocking traffic on two streets. Lets just say he knew how to make entrance and an introduction.
Mr. King was an enigma. He was charming but brash, He was professional but playful. Nobody could ever peg him. We all gossiped that he was sleeping with this guy or this girl. As a teacher, he was great. I learned more about acting from him then ever before. When he left the school after my first two years...I was sad, but somehow I knew I would meet him again. Little did I know at that time that he would be an influence on my entire life. More on that in the next blog.
Be safe, Be joyful, Be Superb!
R
I hope the first week of March is treating you all well. Here in Green Bay we are actually feeling a bit of Spring, Which I welcome with great joy!
I think I have been pretty lucky to have great role models who have shaped my life. Of course the top of my list would be my wonderful parents and family. I was lucky enough to meet another person who I learned a great deal from and I want to share him with you. I often see on TV people asked if there is one teacher you had that affected you the most...Mr. King was that teacher for me.
While still getting acclimated to snakes and confederate flags during my first semester at college, I met my dorm neighbor Greg who was a Drama student. Being fairly shy, I didn't even realize that they had a Drama Program at the school. One day Greg asked me if I could help him learn his lines for the first semester show. I was eager to help so I sat in his room reading lines from two short plays they were performing. As we read lines, I was quite confused...The plays were quite bizarre, different from anything I had ever read. As time went on we began talking about the Director of the plays who was also the Director of the Drama Program and the Author of one of the plays... His name was Mr. King. Greg would tell me that he was quite an unusual guy. He was African American, had diamond earring as in both ears (unheard of at the time) and he wore a suit and tie every day but road a motorcycle to school that had a licence tag on the back that said "GOD'S SON".
During the semester I would see Mr King upstairs at the Student Cafe at 3pm every day when nearly the whole campus would gather to watch Luke and Laura on General Hospital. For some reason I was very intimidated by Mr. King. I finally got up the nerve to tell him that I loved theater and was wondering if I could help him with the box office for his upcoming performance.
I did just that and when it came time for auditions for the Parents Weekend Show the following semester, both Greg and I auditioned. That was the first of four Mr King shows that I was in during college. Now a Mr King show was different than any other shows I had ever done. First of all, Mr. King usually acted in all his shows. His job outside of school was as an actor we would later learn. The facilities we prrformed in were, let's say unconventional..our dressing room was the Catholic Chapel and if you wanted privacy, you used the confessional to change clothes. Unfortunately one student decided to use the holy water bowl as a ash tray...it was not pretty, but we made do.
When my Mom and Dad came to our Parent's Weekend performance they got to meet Mr. King. We were driving out of the school and onto the main road when all of a sudden we heard nonstop beeping behind us. Next thing we knew Mr. King was leaping out of his car and running out to our car in the middle of the street and introducing himself to my parents and blocking traffic on two streets. Lets just say he knew how to make entrance and an introduction.
Mr. King was an enigma. He was charming but brash, He was professional but playful. Nobody could ever peg him. We all gossiped that he was sleeping with this guy or this girl. As a teacher, he was great. I learned more about acting from him then ever before. When he left the school after my first two years...I was sad, but somehow I knew I would meet him again. Little did I know at that time that he would be an influence on my entire life. More on that in the next blog.
Be safe, Be joyful, Be Superb!
R
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Marching Forward
Happy March Everybody,
I can't believe that I've been writing this blog now for a whole 2 months. I thank you all for your kind comments that you have left both here and on Facebook. I hope that I am not sounding like a know it all or that I have all the answers. This is all part of my journey. Truthfully, when I started writing this, my plan was to make this kind of my daily journal of what is currently happening in my life. But truthfully, not much happens day to day in my life. So it has kind of melded into what I'm currently doing with how I got to this place in my life. I have had many little adventures and they have all combined to make me the person I am today. I appreciate you all for following this little journey with me.
I am a bit nervous and excited. I mentioned before that I am looking into trying to get my Bachelors Degree online. I have regretted never getting it back in 1985. So yesterday the current Dean of the Hospitality Management program at my former college (now a University...Woohoo) called me to discuss the possibility. He was very nice and he is checking my transcripts to see what is possible. I don't even know if this is financially feasible, but it is worth looking into. Am I up to it? Will I be successful? Am I biting off more than i can chew? All these questions are racing in my mind.
It's kinda strange, the small little Jr. College that we all nicknamed Camp Boca, really seems to have grown up. It is now a major University. I can't remember the name of our dorm back then, but I do remember the huge palmetto bugs. We all joked that one day we would walk into our rooms and find palmetto bugs smoking cigarettes, drinking beer and watching our TV's.
My first roommate lasted 2 days. That made room for my second roommate Tom. Tom was from Virginia and I was the first Jewish person he ever met. I knew this was going to be an interesting semester when he hung up a huge confederate flag in the room. Oy vey! A few weeks after school started, the Jewish High Holidays arrived So I asked Tom, Who had a car, for a ride to the local synagogue. Well he decided he would join me for the services...open minded...great. So we parked in the parking lot and Tom quickly asked me "Who are all these people?" I answered that they were here for the holiday services. He said "But they're not Jewish, they can't be!" Kind of startled I asked "What do you mean?" His answer was..." They can't be Jewish, They don't have a big nose and curly hair like you do!!!" Well First of all, I DON"T have a big nose, maybe a fat nose, but it's not that big...AND my hair was STRAIGHT! lol... So anyway..I was hopeful that Tom got a lesson in stereotyping that day...I know I got a lesson in antisemitism.
Then there was the snake....NO I'm not call Tom a snake, but about a month into school, he walks in with his new pet...a 3 foot python,,of course named...ready...ready...Monty Python...lol. Now this was all new to me...Monty went to snake obedience school, Tom had feeding parties where they would get Monty either high or drunk by getting his food (a mouse) drunk or high.
I eventually liked the snake better then Tom. Thankfully I became great friends with the guy in the next room, Greg. One semester was enough with Tom and for my second semester Greg and I roomed together. And we had no pets...well besides those darn palmetto bugs.
To think that now I may be able to get another degree, and I may be able to do it by computer...Ahh times have changed.
All for now.
Dream Big. Love life and Be Superb!
R
I can't believe that I've been writing this blog now for a whole 2 months. I thank you all for your kind comments that you have left both here and on Facebook. I hope that I am not sounding like a know it all or that I have all the answers. This is all part of my journey. Truthfully, when I started writing this, my plan was to make this kind of my daily journal of what is currently happening in my life. But truthfully, not much happens day to day in my life. So it has kind of melded into what I'm currently doing with how I got to this place in my life. I have had many little adventures and they have all combined to make me the person I am today. I appreciate you all for following this little journey with me.
I am a bit nervous and excited. I mentioned before that I am looking into trying to get my Bachelors Degree online. I have regretted never getting it back in 1985. So yesterday the current Dean of the Hospitality Management program at my former college (now a University...Woohoo) called me to discuss the possibility. He was very nice and he is checking my transcripts to see what is possible. I don't even know if this is financially feasible, but it is worth looking into. Am I up to it? Will I be successful? Am I biting off more than i can chew? All these questions are racing in my mind.
It's kinda strange, the small little Jr. College that we all nicknamed Camp Boca, really seems to have grown up. It is now a major University. I can't remember the name of our dorm back then, but I do remember the huge palmetto bugs. We all joked that one day we would walk into our rooms and find palmetto bugs smoking cigarettes, drinking beer and watching our TV's.
My first roommate lasted 2 days. That made room for my second roommate Tom. Tom was from Virginia and I was the first Jewish person he ever met. I knew this was going to be an interesting semester when he hung up a huge confederate flag in the room. Oy vey! A few weeks after school started, the Jewish High Holidays arrived So I asked Tom, Who had a car, for a ride to the local synagogue. Well he decided he would join me for the services...open minded...great. So we parked in the parking lot and Tom quickly asked me "Who are all these people?" I answered that they were here for the holiday services. He said "But they're not Jewish, they can't be!" Kind of startled I asked "What do you mean?" His answer was..." They can't be Jewish, They don't have a big nose and curly hair like you do!!!" Well First of all, I DON"T have a big nose, maybe a fat nose, but it's not that big...AND my hair was STRAIGHT! lol... So anyway..I was hopeful that Tom got a lesson in stereotyping that day...I know I got a lesson in antisemitism.
Then there was the snake....NO I'm not call Tom a snake, but about a month into school, he walks in with his new pet...a 3 foot python,,of course named...ready...ready...Monty Python...lol. Now this was all new to me...Monty went to snake obedience school, Tom had feeding parties where they would get Monty either high or drunk by getting his food (a mouse) drunk or high.
I eventually liked the snake better then Tom. Thankfully I became great friends with the guy in the next room, Greg. One semester was enough with Tom and for my second semester Greg and I roomed together. And we had no pets...well besides those darn palmetto bugs.
To think that now I may be able to get another degree, and I may be able to do it by computer...Ahh times have changed.
All for now.
Dream Big. Love life and Be Superb!
R
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