Hey Bloggees,
Thank you for all of the good wishes sent my Dads way. He is feeling much better and continues to heal. I am so lucky to have him, Kathy and lots of wonderful people in my life. That includes all of you who read this blog too. From time to time I do need advise in my life. And I need to ask you all for some today.
As I have stated before, I have no doubt that I have been gay my whole life. It was never a choice or decision. It is just who I am. I came out to my parents when I was about 24. I wrote them a letter when I was in therapy in the Eating Disorder Clinic I mentioned in a previous blog. I wrote a letter telling them i was gay, that I smoke and had gotten high...I guess I thought I would get it all out at once..If they didn't have a heart attack or disown me, I was gonna be OK. Fortunately I have wonderful understand loving parent. All was fine. I was one of the lucky ones.
Now I have always been out to my closest friends. I can count the number of Gay Bars that I've been to on one hand. When I first came out to my first gay friend at 20 y/o, I discovered that the gay world was probably more judgmental then the straight world. Overweight men are not the ideal. Now South Florida has quite a big gay community and the travel company that I worked for had quite a few gay people...I felt very comfortable being out and who I am. I even did drag... well...not great drag for Halloween one year...Thanks Michelle! Every year for about 10 years in Florida, I would attend the Pride Festival each summer. It was the one day a year that I was totally out and felt good and not self conscious about my weight.
When I moved to Green Bay, I started over. with all my health problems, being gay didn't really make much of a difference. Of course my best friends and my family knew, but most of my caretakers do not know. I have no gay friend here..only over the computer. Now yesterday,I saw an advertisement for Green Bay's Pride Alive...a pride festival. Now here is the problem. I would love to go, but that would mean the possibility of my caretakers finding out. plus I would have to take the medivan there. I don't know that I want all their drivers gossiping about me. Green Bay is much smaller than Ft. Lauderdale. Do I just bite the bullet and not give a shit what people think, or keep the status quo . Any advise for me?
I am not ashamed in any way of being gay...I just am afraid to open myself up to criticism and possible hate.
Thank you for listening.
Be Superb!
R
Oh Richard, what a conundrum. I'd like to encourage you to just BE. I want to say that when you come out to the people close to you, it will let a lot of people come out around you, and they'll be so thankful that you led the way. But, fuck if I know.
ReplyDeleteYou do know that one of these days someone who knows you will read this blog. Someone who is your friend and who cares about you or even cares for you. When that happens it will hurt their feelings if they feel they're the last to know.
I like you just the way you are. Fuck if I know. /xoxox
I say that you are 46 y/o and life is short. Despite having wonderful people in your life, your medical issues don't allow you the opportunity to do many social things. You are liable to meet some fantastic people and expand your social network in a wonderful way. Being gay doesn't have the same stigma that it used to even in the midwest. If your drivers or caregivers are uncomfortable with your status, then they can request transfers. I say "Go for it, life is short." I would come out to your caregivers and if you have a regular driver before going to the Pride Festival. If they are good and decent human beings they won't care how you swing from the chandelier, they will care about you, if not they can move on and you can find someone more suitable.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Robin. sometimes people know what is going on without you telling them. You are still a wonderful person and bite the bullet and ask your caregiver to take you. Have a good time.
ReplyDeleteSandy
Ricky,
ReplyDeleteListen to someone who always felt like you were another little brother!
Life is far too short to worry about what people will think. People who care about you now will still care about you when they find out you are gay. If not then they never really cared about you to begin with. Your sexual orientation does not change the person you are. Getting out and enjoying your life is a good thing. I am sure you will meet many wonderful people. I say GO FOR IT!!
{{{HUGS}}}
Mary Beth
Hi Ricky
ReplyDeleteI have wasted so much time over the years worrying about what others may think of me. Seriously, I used to be obsessed about it. Seeking approval, wanting others to be my friend, doing extra tasks at work, saying I agreed with people just to fit in. Guess what, it didn't matter. All that extra energy I spent worrying about others.............I don't think anyone really cared what I lost sleep over. I was and am such a small part of this universe, and others are so wrapped up in themselves, why did I think I should have to fit and and have approval? I am who I am, I love myself and I say "to hell with anyone that doesn't like me or thinks I should say or be anyone but me" You area wonderful man who deserves to be happy. You are loved by so many people and those who would dare place judgement are just insecure with themselves! Surround yourself with all things positive. If your caregivers are "real" caregivers, they will embrace you, not talk behind your back! As a RN I shutter when I hear about Caregivers who mock and gossip. They are "care" givers for God sake. I hope you are pleasantly surprised by the lack of reaction you get! Rick we only go around once..........!
Go for it! Positive energy Rick! Its an amazing thing when used and believed in.
Love ya!
Wendy